by Hallie Gleeson
It’s late at night, you’ve drained three Einstein coffees, and your eyes are blurry from staring at the blue light of your screen. The clock ticks closer to midnight. You feverishly add the finishing touches to your paper, and at last triumphantly put your finished document into Moodle. You click submit.
The confirmation email appears in your Outlook, and you check your Moodle homepage one more time to confirm that you’re in the clear—but no. Disaster! You’re faced with three more assignments, all due at 11:59. Panicking, you scramble to put pen to paper (or hands to the keyboard, at least), hastily assemble something that resembles an analytic essay on some obscure historical period and fill out your best imitation of a competent organic lab write up.
Yet as you finish each assignment, you discover your remaining assignments continue to multiply, in an unending bounty of tasks. Like a magnificent hero from a Greek myth, you must gather your strength and work cleverly to manage your workload.
Your professors have all joined together to contribute to the latest Moodle update: the Hydra Collection! You’ve been selected as one of the students for the new trial. As part of the rollout, you’ll have all of your assignments staggered to be due within thirty minutes of each other! If you’d like to opt out of this, you can also select for your final projects and homework assignments to open at 2:47 AM and close at 3:58 PM, for your convenience!
Other perks include a 3:1 ratio of completed assignments and work to do, so your Moodle will always display 75% completion for each class, on both the first and last day of the semester. If your Moodle calendar didn’t show any upcoming assignments, that would just be tragic. You might feel as though you had nothing to do, and your professors wanted to provide you with something to work on at all hours of the day and night. The staff at Moodle and the Centre professors have teamed up to design color palettes so that all of your classes will match. Distinguishing between your choir class and your Calc 2 at first glance has never been harder, but think of the aesthetics!
The only way to slay the beast of your rapidly multiplying assignments is to visit your professor’s office hours. The Cento can exclusively reveal an insider tip: talking to your professor will likely help you hash out a plan for success. (You might even get that 67 on your last exam rounded to a nice even 80, but don’t push it.)