Dear Abe,
I’m having trouble building connections on campus. I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don’t know how to get to know them better. What should I do?
Boy, I’ve been in your shoes! It isn’t easy being a giant bronze statue in front of the library. But here are some things that have worked for me.
If you’re finding that it’s hard to deepen relationships, try to practice intentionality. Are you drawn to some people in particular? Start deliberately investigating ways and avenues of hanging out with those people. While it is true that friendships often bloom naturally and just “happen,” this is rarely the case without any effort on the behalf of either party. It’s okay to start putting in that effort first!
A particularly strategic way to get to know people is to go to, or host, group events. Of course, this is why clubs and events around campus exist. Go to those! Check your e-mail, your GroupMe’s, and the posters in academic buildings to stay posted on the happenings around campus. Better yet, though, try hosting your own event! It doesn’t have to be club-affiliated, and it doesn’t even need to be “open”; just set up a little get-together, and invite people personally. I’ve found that it’s best if there’s an activity to bond over, as it facilitates conversation — game nights, movie nights, or even the fabled PowerPoint nights are all great jumping-off points — but simple dinners also work well for getting people together In general, finding groups to do activities with — be it partying, having lunch, or otherwise — is an excellent way to start to build relationships.
Though this applies to everyone, also remember to check in on your friends regularly, be it in-person or digitally. We all get busy here at Centre College, and sometimes that means we forget to call or text the people we care about. Leaving those silences prolonged can be detrimental to relationships. Be an active friend!
Finally, keep your head up! Confidence is charismatic, and people are drawn to it. But you deserve to feel good about yourself, too, for putting in the efforts of friendship.
Good luck!
Honest Abe